return of the bumpasaurus

it rain, rain, rained today. i suppose i should've expected it, and expect some more of it, but still. it was impossible to get out of bed this morning, especially after yesterday. last night went well though. farah who was FOH manager was this crazy middle eastern lady who called me "my angel" and "my sweetheart" and kept messing with me over the headset. "HEAD USHER!" "this is head usher." "nothing, i wanted to make sure you were listening." for the second half we hung out in the office playing solitaire, where i lost every game and farah kept yelling "you loser! you loser! i am going to laugh so hard, i think this will be my death, yes?"

my secret crush on Neanderthal seems to be waning. i say 'seems to be' because depending on what time of day you ask me it seems to differ. i don't know why. i do know now, however, that he is possibly the only other person in the world who knows what the phantom tollbooth is. he also remembered bedknobs and broomsticks far too well for someone who apparently only watched it when they were a kid. i find myself saying "fuck" to everything he says, "fuck thats awesome", "fuck that shit", "for fuck's sake". its not what i would call stimulating conversation. then again, my language has gone down the toilet since i started living on my own.

i have not used construction paper in ages. i just spent the past three hours making a cd for kelly, since her roommate/friend is moving back to alberta tomorrow and we will be watching scary movies at her place. i made a slipcover for it too...on the front is an owl, saying "hoo hoo...who's cd?"
i also just listened to sir mix-a-lot for three solid hours. you didn't think it could be done? well, now it can.

i won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't.

after the ultimate stress of the Ulcer-Inducing Project on monday, i needed a smoke. badly. and just like that, a month of cigarette-free disappears. Tristen was my generous benefactor in this cave-in. i love tristen. i've never met anybody so relaxed, and who doesn't think they are above anybody. everybody says they don't think they are better than anyone, that they are nice and friendly and will talk to anybody - even if they don't say it, they think it, i do it too - but tristen is the ONLY person i have met who will actually follow through. the sort of person who after only one time meeting them you feel like you could talk to about anything.
and he is not stingy with his smokes. that is a blessed rarity.

Neanderthal helped me out with that too yesterday. baaaarf. don't know what to do there. halloween is also giving me grief. let's not forget last halloween - how could i? do i forget anything with big? no. my brain refuses to forget these things. tanya told me "people remember birthdays and anniversaries, but they don't remember every day of the year with their ex." then she bought me a blizzard. thank God for tanya.
anyways. i'm not likely to forget standing beside big at bright eyes, holding my cassadaga record to my chest and beginning to cry when he began playing the first day of my life, a song that big used to sing to me. and big just standing there, a foot away from me, mute. why would you ever go to a concert with your ex, using tickets you had bought as an anniversary present for each other? why? i'm not likely to forget the asian girl next to me, punching big on the arm and telling him i was crying. and him stepping to stand further away from me. i'm not likely to forget running out of mac hall, past josh and matt with confused looks on their faces. i'm not likely to forget sitting on the steps for the rest of the concert, plugging my ears and wishing it was over. seeing big in my mind, standing that way he did with his stupid hands in his stupid pockets and that silent, angry look on his face. i ruined bright eyes for both of us, his face said. fuck bright eyes. fuck conor oberst. fuck big's favorite band. fuck the first day of my life, fuck at the bottom of everything, fuck bowl of oranges. fuck that i can still hear big's voice in my head and the way he used to sing those to me.

i won't listen to bright eyes anymore.

news bulletin

LATE NIGHT FACEBOOKING WITH NEANDERTHAL

i know i'm into you, i don't know what to do.

fart. what began as hmm-you're-good-looking attitude about Neanderthal has turned into ohmigod-you-are-in-the-room-and-i-can't-look-at-you-because-i-want-to-date-you-and-had-a-dream-about-you-last-night type. attitude. fuck.
this makes my life ten times more awkward then it already is. when did this happen?? when? i hate having a crush. you get all awkward around them, and jealous when other people talk about them, and nervous that you're going to run into them making out with some girl you've never met at a bar. i got so stressed out about it that i caved and had a smoke. fuck. i was doing so well.

anyways. today was our last class with duncan. i was so bummed. we also presented our project, and sophie never showed...ughhh. i can't believe kelly and i spent nine hours in the coffeeshop doing that project yesterday. though it did lead to the birth of the best immature thing i have ever been a part of...
"there's way to insert this, I KNOW IT!!"
"...that's what she said."

baby, you may turn the corner yet.

i am liking working for matthew ebrahimi. he asked me to come in today since lynn couldn't. when i walked in the door and saw me sniffling, coughing, hacking as per lately he told me "we are taking lunch today, i am buying you lunch." we trekked to sweet basil, the thai restaurant where the waitress brought us some icewater. before i could take a drink matthew shouted "what are you doing? she is sick! don't give her any icewater! bring her some water with no ice." he told me later "you should never drink anything cold when you are sick. hot drinks only." and he gave me a juicebox for my throat in the afternoon.

after work i hopped a bus to subway, where i got a dose of bad 80s music on the radio and a severe dose of depression from being the only single person in the place. i ordered big and i's signature sandwich, because that's what i've ordered at subway for the past two years. even without him i still order it. i took my sub to the bus stop...sitting there eating the sandwich i used to eat with big being the only person without a significant other there.
i made it home and realized that i was going home to clean my apartment and do homework on a saturday night. now hotel rwanda is on and i'm watching it. i'm feeling pretty damn cheerful right now.

just like your big brother bob

i got a haircut, and got a real job.
i didn't actually get a haircut. i cut my own hair like, last week, in the sink in my bathroom. i don't see why not. i can't afford to get one.

am now working fridays at ebrahimi accounting and tax services. lots of numbers, lots of excel spreadsheets. i hate numbers and excel spreadsheets, but i liked today. my boss matthew ebrahimi is a cool guy. today he shouted at me through the glass window in his office "every day it is getting colder. every day it is getting colder, and every day i am getting older." then he laughed.
he also gave me some persian bread, which i actually thought was a rug because its huge and flat and wrapped in plastic. i thought it was leopard print. he showed it to me and i said "that's pretty." then he gave it to me and told me to eat it for breakfast with eggs and cheese. i've never been so confused.

now i'm home and my feet are FREEZING and i can't seem to shake this cold. ughhh. midterm on thursday went well...i hope. i sneezed and sniffled and coughed all over a certain Neanderthal on thursday too. not so cool. doing inventory count in the storage room with him...awkward. for me at least. i hate crushes.
sniffle.

and again. and again.

never, ever again.
longest weekend in HISTORY. six hours to get to victoria, six hours back. insane saturday night. it was so gorgeous there, and so good to see jenna. but never again.

add TWO hours to get to new west on friday. amazing meeting with judith and renee. renee had long red hair and a green beret. judith was a tiny older jewish women whose parents went to university with allen ginsberg. i just about fell over when she told me that. i loved walking and taking with her in the rain, and she invited me to her little apartment so we could chat some more. i want to be like them when i am older. renee used to run a shakespeare company in brooklyn. am looking forward to working with them at citystage new west.

job interview tomorrow at caffe artigiano.

puddle jumping

i let a very sick kelly stay here last night after an a&w run and a pint of ice cream we devoured at my place. that is terribly cliche. but it was also terribly good. haagen dazs vanilla caramel latte ice cream, and i am never going back.

packing, getting ready now. am meeting judith from citystage new west at 1, all the way in...new west. and then to the ferry. and then to the university. ugh, what a miserable day to be traveling. oh, well.
who knows what the day will bring. i'm guessing alot of wet feet and ruined hairdos. i couldn't, however, be more excited to see jenna. and...liam. i'm thinking he won't be too far out of my sight with jenna around.
by 'let a very sick kelly stay here last night' i meant 'made a very sick kelly stay here last night', since my phone had gotten wet and was now going haywire. first it dialed every number in my phonebook. then it tried to text half the people as well. then the voice command menu wouldn't shut up, so my cell phone sat on the dresser talking to itself for about half an hour. i was afraid it was going to actually start talking to me and implode or something.
also kelly fell asleep during eddie izzard dress to kill. so i put a blanket over her and went to sleep myself. my phone finally shut up, too.

and now i'm off, across the water, to victoria for the weekend!!

i love the smell of fall

ughhh back to everything. FART on this group project, i'll be fucked if i get a bad grade because kelly feels like procrastinating and sam can't apparently tear herself away from talk about dick-all with jenny. WOW, HOW OLD DO WE SOUND. anyway, i'm not busting my ass to pay for school just so that i can flunk out. that is a bit extreme. but.
speaking of busting my ass...am going to victoria this weekend for liam's birthday. well mostly to see jenna, but liam's birthday just happens to be this weekend. and i just happen to feel like drinking and dancing all night and singing old showtunes, which is what happened last time i was there. actually there is a video of that. ugh.

in other news, i ate all of my turkey day leftovers. back to grilled cheese and ichiban for this poor student.
and in even more news, i have been fake-messaging big. that is, i have been starting a message but never sending it. whoops. i blame this all on the dream i had where i hacked into facebook and somehow managed to creep all of his pictures, but he either had no face or he had this weird blank face. with a goatee. and in one picture he was in spain standing outside of a shop. in another he was playing guitar.

and in a last news bulletin, my newest roomie, bertram the spider, has disappeared since last night. if he surprises me, i will probably Tilex him to death (i don't know when this became my preferred method of spider killing. it's because i don't have to get so close then.). sorry bertram. don't say i didn't warn you.

it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

i love thanksgiving. i didn't feel like i had alot to be thankful for this weekend, but i suppose i do. my place. school. my family. my food, though usually it feels like lack thereof. my friends. the usual we take for granted.
sitting here now watching M*A*S*H and hearing how hilarious jenna's family thanksgiving was. somehow her family is always so hilarious, every get together is a riot, nothing ever goes wrong. that was bitchy of me. but some people and their perfect lives get under my skin. i don't think they've ever had something not to be thankful for.
watching coronation street now. it's the british blood in me. thanksgiving was good, i wasn't to crazy about it at first. good to see my uncle and aunt. tom & terry & tieghan were there, who i haven't seen in many years. tom has a voice exactly like troy mcclure from the simpsons. terry is one of those funky hip women, no matter what age they are. tieghan is sixteen... and everyone is talented and musical and smart and perfect. are we sensing a theme here? anyway, i may be spending christmas at their house. i missed my family in calgary.
and i ate so much i couldn't move. literally. this random dude from california told me he had "never seen a chick eat so much". i wasn't sure if this was cause the girls don't eat in california or because i had actually just eaten my weight in turkey alone. not to mention the pie i finished off.
now i'm home in my newly cleaned apartment. it's a bit lonely. doesn't mean i'm not thankful for it...i love this place. i love living on my own. i love pumpkin pie.

same thing as the other time, but now its your rights versus mine

i'm sorry, what? my blog has been identified as possible spam? just what are you trying to say there, blogger? the internet isnt interested in my thoughts, my doings, my life? isn't that what these blogs are all about. cripes. even the internet doesn't like me right now.

that was a bit of a sorry statement. anyways. this week can suck my balls. after the Head Usher Disaster, my landlords called tuesday night to chew me out for kel and i being too loud. i had no idea watching eddie izzard and laughing hysterically could be overheard. i suppose i should've, but honestly, should someone not have told me? instead, holly apparently waited for two weeks for me to clue in, somehow, that everything i do could be heard. i think there may have been a better way to handle that, on both our ends. i got upset. and everybody knows that this probably wouldn't have been as bad if it weren't for the Weekend Fiasco. damnit.
in other news, i had a job interview at smart set this week. better the devil you know, i suppose. after all, i know smart set like the back of my hand now. i even miss that damn store every now and then. no call so far. fuck.
right now i am in my pjs at 4 in the afternoon, eating noodles and watching the andy griffith show, now that matlock is over. not to be confused with andy griffiths, australian children's writer who was responsible for the cartoon show what's with andy? remember that show? man, he and doug were the shit. last night i stayed up til 1 in the morning catching up on doctor who. oh, david tennant. marry me.
shannon invited me out tonight, but i honestly do not feel like doing anything but staying in these pjs and staying home tonight. that is just too sad an excuse to not go out, so i told her i had english homework. also true. not very likely to get done.

oh, don knotts. marry me.

usha usha usha

well, that was awful. awfulawfulawfulawulawful. i should never be allowed to use a headset. was there not a global memo sent out on that or something?
head ushering was awful. i was so not prepared. i felt unsure all night. also there was a huge mix-up with some seniors and their walkers and their seats, and i ended up getting chewed out by a group of appearingly-sweet old ladies. i felt so bad. then a latecomer was with her friend, but i sat her in the seat that was on her ticket. then another latecomer was blind, so i let her sit in the back in my seat. daphne bramham, who was speaking, didn't exactly inspire me with her talk about polygamist Mormon colonies in Bountiful, BC. maybe because i've already heard and read about it so much (thanks, teila) but more likely because i spent the show either trying to work the headset or grinding my teeth because i was so stressed.
excuse me while i go drown my sorrows in a carton of banana berry juice.

maybe kentucky ain't so lucky

dinner at The Engineer's went well. nothing happened. nothing exciting, anyway. maybe exciting things WOULD have happened, but Philip showed up. we all got buzzed on tequila and played Wii. and watched arrested development. i know. stimulating, eh.
by the time 1 a.m. rolled around, The Engineer was asleep. Philip got up to leave and i asked him 'where am i sleeping?' he said 'i don't know. here's a sleeping bag.' i crawled into bed with The Engineer. 'are you awake?' i whispered. 'now i am,' he said. 'i'm not tired...' i told him. hint hint. apparently he was. we talked about home, and life in Vancouver, and high school, and our new apartments. i fell asleep and had a dream that he told me he didn't like the way i acted around him. he also told me that anything happening between us would be a bad, and only bad, idea. i wasn't very thrilled when i woke up.
and i hate to say it, but it felt nice to fall asleep next to a guy. the few hours we spent after we woke up, however, were awkward. awkward awkward awkward. he made me rice krispies for breakfast (did i mention that it was bratwurst with chicken orzo for dinner? delish.) and we played something on nintendo, i have no idea what. i was absolute crap at it. anyway, there was tension. and fuck, i wanted something to happen so badly. i don't know why.
nothing did. now it's raining and i am going to see nick & norah with james and kelly. i don't know what to think of james. i've never met anybody who stayed good friends with their ex, therefore making my job as friend easier, because there is nothing to do but hate them. not go to movies and maybe the bar with them.

gettin' lucky in kentucky

that was weird. blogger just told me that my cookies needed to be enabled or something. my cookies don't need to enable anything, blogger...

don't know what to think about my landlords lately. i get the feeling that they're not happy with me ever since the Weekend Fiasco, which is fair enough. i wouldn't be too thrilled about two drunk girls stumbling in at four in the morning while i was sleeping, screaming and trashing an apartment and calling men from the bar to come on over. oh, but wait. i WASN'T too thrilled, because i WAS sleeping. and it was MY apartment they had trashed. and all i was doing was trying to be a nice friend and let two girls from nanaimo stay at my place while i ended up quitting the black hole of soul aka urban outfitters that weekend and having a breakdown because that fucking job was draining me and now my apartment was a fucking mess. and was then told that if it happened again i would have to find. another. place. to live. and to be honest, it is NOT possible to find another nice basement suite for $550 a month in north van.
the best part about all of this is, what did i do? i tried to give a girl i had never even met a nice birthday by letting her crash after a night on the town. consequences: trashed apartment, four hours of sleep, and put in the black books by my landlord.
that is the last time i try to be nice to somebody.

while i'm on a rant, let's discuss blonde girl in english class. no idea what her name is. no real desire to learn it (especially after today). now what could her insightful views be on virginia woolf's the death of the moth? "this paragraph is like, stupid. it's like, she talks about this stupid moth and all this energy and then it like, dies? it's like, shut up already."
i think i got whiplash turning around to look at her. did you just tell virginia woolf to shut up? to be fair, i am an avid pro-virgina woolf reader. and in her defense, this girl had probably never even heard of her. later, blonde girl also gave us this little gem: "she's so like, random, she's like talking about ploughmen." oh, i am so sorry. i didn't even realize that virginia woolf wrote this essay for us TODAY.
i am not a snob. i am not the most well-read person i know. i don't even have anything against people who throw in the word "like" four times in a sentence; i am just as guilty of it. but i hate, i hate with a passion people who are stupid for the sake of being stupid. grow up. if you don't understand it, it's not stupid. for fuck's sake. and since i am so being so dramatic, i can throw this out there - i despair.

in other news, The Engineer invited me over for dinner tomorrow. that is, The Engineer asked me if i wanted to hang out this weekend and i pretty much told him only if he made me dinner. and since kits is a bitch for me to get there, i will probably be staying there. oops. don't even know if it's happening yet, but if it is...bad bad bad idea. oh this'll be good.

jean-marc says, "it will be not fun." amen jean-marc.

why do i crave coffee at 8:30 at night? i believe that's what they call an addiction. as of saturday that will be two weeks without a smoke. not that i was heavily into it to begin with, but i'm still proud.
what is this going on on so you think you can dance? i thought the auditions were over? why am i watching this? oh, God. i am such a bitch. amy broke her foot and keeps asking me to call her, but honestly. i don't know the girl that well. i was friends with her brother two years ago, i'm not sixteen years old, and i want to be there for the lady but...

finally finished my two projects. discovered i got a b+ on duncan's test. no comments on my fucking brilliance, but not bad. we now have to go in groups of four for a presentations project. fuck nick for being so hot in a manly, neanderthal sort of way.
the people on so you think you can dance are shuffling around in awkward pair like they're at a junior high school. and i'm eating scotch broth.