overwise, wasted

it is 8:00 at night and i have not looked at the 1500 word paper due at 1:00 tomorrow. i am just not motivated.

i have to burp like nobody's business. i also have garlic breath from the awesome instant mashed potatoes i just had. that was the first dinner i've had in ages. i had the worst weekend. worst. weekend. friday night i was head usher again at a show...after the head usher disaster i was stressed to the max. then i missed my bus. the rest of the show went fine, apart from the FOH driving me insane. saturday i worked an extra three hours. saturday NIGHT i went to bryce's for his going-to-PEI-for-a-month-soon party. it was fun, singing with drunken maritimers trying to rap for a bit. after they left bryce and i had a little dance party in his living room. which turned into the couch. which turned into the bed. when suddenly a condom appeared.
i freaked out. "bryce i am NOT sleepin with you now" i said. i met you two weeks ago. this is the third time i have seen you. i don't even know you. what followed was the world's worst conversation which i don't ever want to have again. i didn't mean to give the wrong impression; i just assumed that someone i am not even dating and who calls me a "good friend" wouldn't think that we are going to have sex now. then again, there are plenty of people who have no problem with that. i am not one of them. he told me that maybe we should do this another time...the timing is all wrong. maybe we shouldnt do it at all.
"bryce" i said "are you telling me you don't want to hang out anymore because i won't put out?"
that's not it all he said. some people arrived. everybody got drunk and high. i had to work at 7 in the morning, and i was scared. the entire situation freaked me out. i sat in bryce's room and cried. i took a cab home at 5:30 in the morning after bryce passed out next to me. "here's twenty dollars...for your cab" he said, handing me a bill. "i don't want money right now...i am not a whore" i told him and left.

i got home at 6. i had a shower, changed, and was at work by 7:30. i worked til 1:30. i was up for 36 hours. i hated it.

i think i'm getting an ulcer

sometimes i really don't understand the entire university system. i may have missed something here, but it seems to me that giving assignments so big i have to skip class in order to finish them seems like a step backwards.

i do have work this weekend. the ladies at reitman's are really nice. that doesnt mean i won't want to kill myself after my seven hour shift on saturday. oh, and i just found out that my tuition is six hundred dollars more than i thought. i just about had a meltdown in boyd's class the other day and actually had to leave. i couldn't stand being in there any longer.
it seems like everybody i know is freaking out. everybody is broke and stressed and bitchy. kelly's new roommate thomas is giving her grief. sweetest guy i have ever met, but sure can act dumb. the other week she went through some awful shit too, so she has been staying at my place lately. which is fine, but tonight i was by myself for a few hours and it. was. awesome. i love everybody at school, but the idea of three weeks without seeing them every day sounds pretty fuckin rad right about now.

bryce confused me beyond belief. a lovely brunch. watched a movie later that night. kissed in the rain. was pretty much bowled over by the cliche-ness of it all. talked tuesday night. went to his place wednesday night and ended up staying over...we didn't have sex. i'm not stupid. but i was so happy to spend the night with him. awkward morning. didn't talk for three days. a stupid conversation at reggae night on the phone. i asked him "bryce, do you want to hang out at all anymore?" he told me "that is the rudest thing." alrighty. called me last night to hang out.
I DO NOT SPEAK MAN LANGUAGE. manguage.

dance dance revolution

"hello," i answered my phone this morning from my place on alissa's mattress in her apartment.
"well, hello miss dance dance revolution," said bryce, the boy who i met dancing at the bourbon last night. who i went for brunch with today. who i then went for coffee with today. who's house i am now going to watch a movie.