return of the bumpasaurus

it rain, rain, rained today. i suppose i should've expected it, and expect some more of it, but still. it was impossible to get out of bed this morning, especially after yesterday. last night went well though. farah who was FOH manager was this crazy middle eastern lady who called me "my angel" and "my sweetheart" and kept messing with me over the headset. "HEAD USHER!" "this is head usher." "nothing, i wanted to make sure you were listening." for the second half we hung out in the office playing solitaire, where i lost every game and farah kept yelling "you loser! you loser! i am going to laugh so hard, i think this will be my death, yes?"

my secret crush on Neanderthal seems to be waning. i say 'seems to be' because depending on what time of day you ask me it seems to differ. i don't know why. i do know now, however, that he is possibly the only other person in the world who knows what the phantom tollbooth is. he also remembered bedknobs and broomsticks far too well for someone who apparently only watched it when they were a kid. i find myself saying "fuck" to everything he says, "fuck thats awesome", "fuck that shit", "for fuck's sake". its not what i would call stimulating conversation. then again, my language has gone down the toilet since i started living on my own.

i have not used construction paper in ages. i just spent the past three hours making a cd for kelly, since her roommate/friend is moving back to alberta tomorrow and we will be watching scary movies at her place. i made a slipcover for it too...on the front is an owl, saying "hoo hoo...who's cd?"
i also just listened to sir mix-a-lot for three solid hours. you didn't think it could be done? well, now it can.

i won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't. i? won't.

after the ultimate stress of the Ulcer-Inducing Project on monday, i needed a smoke. badly. and just like that, a month of cigarette-free disappears. Tristen was my generous benefactor in this cave-in. i love tristen. i've never met anybody so relaxed, and who doesn't think they are above anybody. everybody says they don't think they are better than anyone, that they are nice and friendly and will talk to anybody - even if they don't say it, they think it, i do it too - but tristen is the ONLY person i have met who will actually follow through. the sort of person who after only one time meeting them you feel like you could talk to about anything.
and he is not stingy with his smokes. that is a blessed rarity.

Neanderthal helped me out with that too yesterday. baaaarf. don't know what to do there. halloween is also giving me grief. let's not forget last halloween - how could i? do i forget anything with big? no. my brain refuses to forget these things. tanya told me "people remember birthdays and anniversaries, but they don't remember every day of the year with their ex." then she bought me a blizzard. thank God for tanya.
anyways. i'm not likely to forget standing beside big at bright eyes, holding my cassadaga record to my chest and beginning to cry when he began playing the first day of my life, a song that big used to sing to me. and big just standing there, a foot away from me, mute. why would you ever go to a concert with your ex, using tickets you had bought as an anniversary present for each other? why? i'm not likely to forget the asian girl next to me, punching big on the arm and telling him i was crying. and him stepping to stand further away from me. i'm not likely to forget running out of mac hall, past josh and matt with confused looks on their faces. i'm not likely to forget sitting on the steps for the rest of the concert, plugging my ears and wishing it was over. seeing big in my mind, standing that way he did with his stupid hands in his stupid pockets and that silent, angry look on his face. i ruined bright eyes for both of us, his face said. fuck bright eyes. fuck conor oberst. fuck big's favorite band. fuck the first day of my life, fuck at the bottom of everything, fuck bowl of oranges. fuck that i can still hear big's voice in my head and the way he used to sing those to me.

i won't listen to bright eyes anymore.

news bulletin

LATE NIGHT FACEBOOKING WITH NEANDERTHAL

i know i'm into you, i don't know what to do.

fart. what began as hmm-you're-good-looking attitude about Neanderthal has turned into ohmigod-you-are-in-the-room-and-i-can't-look-at-you-because-i-want-to-date-you-and-had-a-dream-about-you-last-night type. attitude. fuck.
this makes my life ten times more awkward then it already is. when did this happen?? when? i hate having a crush. you get all awkward around them, and jealous when other people talk about them, and nervous that you're going to run into them making out with some girl you've never met at a bar. i got so stressed out about it that i caved and had a smoke. fuck. i was doing so well.

anyways. today was our last class with duncan. i was so bummed. we also presented our project, and sophie never showed...ughhh. i can't believe kelly and i spent nine hours in the coffeeshop doing that project yesterday. though it did lead to the birth of the best immature thing i have ever been a part of...
"there's way to insert this, I KNOW IT!!"
"...that's what she said."

baby, you may turn the corner yet.

i am liking working for matthew ebrahimi. he asked me to come in today since lynn couldn't. when i walked in the door and saw me sniffling, coughing, hacking as per lately he told me "we are taking lunch today, i am buying you lunch." we trekked to sweet basil, the thai restaurant where the waitress brought us some icewater. before i could take a drink matthew shouted "what are you doing? she is sick! don't give her any icewater! bring her some water with no ice." he told me later "you should never drink anything cold when you are sick. hot drinks only." and he gave me a juicebox for my throat in the afternoon.

after work i hopped a bus to subway, where i got a dose of bad 80s music on the radio and a severe dose of depression from being the only single person in the place. i ordered big and i's signature sandwich, because that's what i've ordered at subway for the past two years. even without him i still order it. i took my sub to the bus stop...sitting there eating the sandwich i used to eat with big being the only person without a significant other there.
i made it home and realized that i was going home to clean my apartment and do homework on a saturday night. now hotel rwanda is on and i'm watching it. i'm feeling pretty damn cheerful right now.

just like your big brother bob

i got a haircut, and got a real job.
i didn't actually get a haircut. i cut my own hair like, last week, in the sink in my bathroom. i don't see why not. i can't afford to get one.

am now working fridays at ebrahimi accounting and tax services. lots of numbers, lots of excel spreadsheets. i hate numbers and excel spreadsheets, but i liked today. my boss matthew ebrahimi is a cool guy. today he shouted at me through the glass window in his office "every day it is getting colder. every day it is getting colder, and every day i am getting older." then he laughed.
he also gave me some persian bread, which i actually thought was a rug because its huge and flat and wrapped in plastic. i thought it was leopard print. he showed it to me and i said "that's pretty." then he gave it to me and told me to eat it for breakfast with eggs and cheese. i've never been so confused.

now i'm home and my feet are FREEZING and i can't seem to shake this cold. ughhh. midterm on thursday went well...i hope. i sneezed and sniffled and coughed all over a certain Neanderthal on thursday too. not so cool. doing inventory count in the storage room with him...awkward. for me at least. i hate crushes.
sniffle.

and again. and again.

never, ever again.
longest weekend in HISTORY. six hours to get to victoria, six hours back. insane saturday night. it was so gorgeous there, and so good to see jenna. but never again.

add TWO hours to get to new west on friday. amazing meeting with judith and renee. renee had long red hair and a green beret. judith was a tiny older jewish women whose parents went to university with allen ginsberg. i just about fell over when she told me that. i loved walking and taking with her in the rain, and she invited me to her little apartment so we could chat some more. i want to be like them when i am older. renee used to run a shakespeare company in brooklyn. am looking forward to working with them at citystage new west.

job interview tomorrow at caffe artigiano.